How to Learn What To Expect Twenty Years: After “I Do,” Even If You’re Not a Young Newlywed

Should You Marry a Man Twenty Years Older Than You Are?

What happens twenty years after you marry an older man? Most women do marry older men when they are younger. Twenty Years: After “I Do”  tells you what you might expect twenty, thirty or forty years later.

Are you thinking about getting married? Worried about the future? Read on.

Memoir or Self-Help Book? Or Both?

Debby G. Kaye writes what I would label as memoirs. Her editor calls this one a self-help book. Deb has a story so compelling that her memoirs work their way into being helpful. She inspires me, not to write my memoirs because I’m not as brave and forthright as she is. However, as an educational consultant, my gut reaction is that her book needs a study guide, and I’m just the person to write it.

When you read Twenty Years: After “I Do”. you will learn how Debby managed to “navigate companionship challenges and show love and kindness to her partner, handling life together gracefully and in harmony.” Some of the hard challenges she shares must have been excruciating to write. 

You Mean There Might Be Problems in Our Marriage?

Are you married or thinking about getting married to an older man? Maybe not, but if you are married for very long, you will be married to an older man whether you set out to do that or not. D.G. Kaye points out some authentic problems in Twenty Years: After “I Do”  that you are going to encounter when your husband reaches his 60s or 70s. Many people jump into marriages in their later years. They will face these problems more quickly than younger people.

  • What happens when or if wee willy wimps?
  • How do you talk about death, burial, wills?
  • Does your partner have grown children? They certainly play more of a part in your relationship than you might expect since they are out of the home.
  • What happens when one or both of you suffer a life-threatening illness? Do you know how to navigate hospitals and doctors?
  • Of course, you love your husband, but what if he can’t hear very well anymore? Worse, neither of you have perfect hearing.
  • What if you’re childless going into the marriage? Do you consider having children when he’s 60 or 70?
  • What if you don’t have children to help care for you in your old age? 
  • Is there a right way to fight with the one you love so that you both win and you don’t end up hating each other? Deb shares some insight into how to do it kindly.

How to Use Twenty Years: After “I Do” 

You could use Deb’s book as a guide to face the challenges of life or a template for writing your memoir. Or you may seek professional assistance when you need it because you realize there is another way to handle the challenges you face.

Does this sound like a book you might enjoy? Maybe you just want some light reading, chisme, gossip about someone else’s life. That’s ok too because if you’ve read any of Deb’s other books, you’ve probably fallen in love with her, and you can’t wait to hear the next installment of her life. She writes in that conspiring secret telling phone call style that you would use with your best friend. The difference is she’s gossiping about herself and in this case her husband. I think mine would shoot me first if I wrote about our life so honestly. He’d be the first to read her book, though to find out what’s going on in her life.

My Rating

twenty years after
Click to order Twenty Years After I Do

My enjoyment level of this book gives it a 5-star rating. I adore Deb, and therefore it falls into the phone conversation category with me.

As a self-help book, I would give it a 4-star rating for this reason. Deb wrote Twenty Years: After “I Do”  in a narrative style and focused on her experiences as opposed to a clinician’s style of writing. While each chapter focuses on a different issue, it reads like a story, so it may not hit the problem you seek, and it doesn’t have multiple examples to validate the solutions. As far as I know, Deb is not a marriage counselor, nurse, attorney or other professional you might need as you enter the golden years. She shares from her heart what has happened to her. It will resonate with you if you are living with a man in his 60s or 70s.

Who Should Buy This Book?

If you are in your early years of marriage with a young man of 20 or 30, you probably will have so many other issues hitting you in the face, that you may think that these are best put away for a later year. No worries. Buy this book for your mom or even your grandma.

However, maybe you have to help out with a parent or grandparent. Do you need to develop empathy? Twenty Years: After “I Do”  will clue you into the inner sanctum of their life. Reading it may spark some important questions you need to ask them. You will learn that they are not so different from you as you think except they have to worry that their bodies are wearing out and they are going to face the inevitable termination of their life. Twenty Years: After “I Do will help you understand that.

Deb has been working hard to get this book in your hands before Christmas. So even though I haven’t read the epilogue yet, I’m rushing to get this review out before the holidays as well. It may just be the perfect present for someone you know and love.

Let me know if this review is helpful. Leave me a rating on Amazon.

Book Club Study Guide Now Available

About the Author

twenty years after
D. G. Kaye

“D.G. Kaye was born and resides in Toronto, Canada. She is the author of Conflicted Hearts – A Daughter’s Quest for Solace From Emotional Guilt, Meno-What? – A Memoir, Words We Carry, Have Bags, Will Travel, P.S. I Forgive You, and her newest release – Twenty Years: After “I Do”. Kaye is a nonfiction/memoir writer and writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

Kaye writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life and the lessons that were taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcomes some of the many obstacles that challenged her. From an emotionally neglected childhood to growing up with a narcissistic mother, leaving her with a severely deflated self-esteem, D.G. began seeking a path to rise above her issues. When she isn’t writing intimate memoirs, Kaye brings her natural sense of humor into her other works.”

Read more on Amazon.

You can find D.G. on social media and her author and blog pages:

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Author: Marsha

Hi, I'm Marsha Ingrao, a retired educator and wife of a retired realtor. My all-consuming hobby is blogging and it has changed my life. My friends live all over the world. For thirty-five years, I lived in the most beautiful area in Central Valley of California in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains minutes from the Sequoia National Park. As a child I moved from Indiana to Oregon. With my first husband I moved from Oregon to Colorado to California. Every time we moved, it hurt so much to leave friends. I never wanted to move again. After Mark passed, I married again. I told Vince that I could never budge from my roots in California. He said he loved the high desert. I don't think he ever thought he would realize his dream. In November, 2020, we sold everything and retired to the mile-high desert of Prescott, AZ. We live less than five miles from the Granite Dells, four lakes and hundreds of trails with our dog, Kalev, and two cats, Moji and Nutter Butter. Vince's sister came with us and lives close by. Every day is a new adventure.

10 thoughts on “How to Learn What To Expect Twenty Years: After “I Do,” Even If You’re Not a Young Newlywed”

  1. Wow Marsha, this is a compelling review of Deb’s book, the very title sets the reader thinking but who gives a thought to all the questions you have raised especially if you marry for love as Deb did? And who knows about health problems at a young age? I agree with you, this book could be useful for every married person because everyone has one’s own aspect of looking at marriage and the problems connected with it.
    Thanks for sharing a meaningful and thought-provoking review. Wishing Deb all the success with this book.


  2. Just Wow! Now I know what you were talking about in our email! I am truly humbled my friend at your dissection and review of the contents of my book. So funny, many of my reviews on my books tell me the reader feels they are sitting down with me while I share my stories. My stories are memoir but always leave rich messages through things I’ve experienced. I’ve always felt caught in a crossroads between memoir and self-help so I feel as though I’ve created my own genre! You can be very sure I am reblogging this. But I think I’ll save it for the first week in the new year to re-introduce my book.
    Thank you so much Marsha for this in-depth review.
    Merry Christmas and a beautiful New Year! ❤ xx


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