How to Learn What To Expect Twenty Years: After “I Do,” Even If You’re Not a Young Newlywed

Should You Marry a Man Twenty Years Older Than You Are?

What happens twenty years after you marry an older man? Most women do marry older men when they are younger. Twenty Years: After “I Do”  tells you what you might expect twenty, thirty or forty years later.

Are you thinking about getting married? Worried about the future? Read on.

Memoir or Self-Help Book? Or Both?

Debby G. Kaye writes what I would label as memoirs. Her editor calls this one a self-help book. Deb has a story so compelling that her memoirs work their way into being helpful. She inspires me, not to write my memoirs because I’m not as brave and forthright as she is. However, as an educational consultant, my gut reaction is that her book needs a study guide, and I’m just the person to write it.

When you read Twenty Years: After “I Do”. you will learn how Debby managed to “navigate companionship challenges and show love and kindness to her partner, handling life together gracefully and in harmony.” Some of the hard challenges she shares must have been excruciating to write. 

You Mean There Might Be Problems in Our Marriage?

Are you married or thinking about getting married to an older man? Maybe not, but if you are married for very long, you will be married to an older man whether you set out to do that or not. D.G. Kaye points out some authentic problems in Twenty Years: After “I Do”  that you are going to encounter when your husband reaches his 60s or 70s. Many people jump into marriages in their later years. They will face these problems more quickly than younger people.

  • What happens when or if wee willy wimps?
  • How do you talk about death, burial, wills?
  • Does your partner have grown children? They certainly play more of a part in your relationship than you might expect since they are out of the home.
  • What happens when one or both of you suffer a life-threatening illness? Do you know how to navigate hospitals and doctors?
  • Of course, you love your husband, but what if he can’t hear very well anymore? Worse, neither of you have perfect hearing.
  • What if you’re childless going into the marriage? Do you consider having children when he’s 60 or 70?
  • What if you don’t have children to help care for you in your old age? 
  • Is there a right way to fight with the one you love so that you both win and you don’t end up hating each other? Deb shares some insight into how to do it kindly.

How to Use Twenty Years: After “I Do” 

You could use Deb’s book as a guide to face the challenges of life or a template for writing your memoir. Or you may seek professional assistance when you need it because you realize there is another way to handle the challenges you face.

Does this sound like a book you might enjoy? Maybe you just want some light reading, chisme, gossip about someone else’s life. That’s ok too because if you’ve read any of Deb’s other books, you’ve probably fallen in love with her, and you can’t wait to hear the next installment of her life. She writes in that conspiring secret telling phone call style that you would use with your best friend. The difference is she’s gossiping about herself and in this case her husband. I think mine would shoot me first if I wrote about our life so honestly. He’d be the first to read her book, though to find out what’s going on in her life.

My Rating

twenty years after
Click to order Twenty Years After I Do

My enjoyment level of this book gives it a 5-star rating. I adore Deb, and therefore it falls into the phone conversation category with me.

As a self-help book, I would give it a 4-star rating for this reason. Deb wrote Twenty Years: After “I Do”  in a narrative style and focused on her experiences as opposed to a clinician’s style of writing. While each chapter focuses on a different issue, it reads like a story, so it may not hit the problem you seek, and it doesn’t have multiple examples to validate the solutions. As far as I know, Deb is not a marriage counselor, nurse, attorney or other professional you might need as you enter the golden years. She shares from her heart what has happened to her. It will resonate with you if you are living with a man in his 60s or 70s.

Who Should Buy This Book?

If you are in your early years of marriage with a young man of 20 or 30, you probably will have so many other issues hitting you in the face, that you may think that these are best put away for a later year. No worries. Buy this book for your mom or even your grandma.

However, maybe you have to help out with a parent or grandparent. Do you need to develop empathy? Twenty Years: After “I Do”  will clue you into the inner sanctum of their life. Reading it may spark some important questions you need to ask them. You will learn that they are not so different from you as you think except they have to worry that their bodies are wearing out and they are going to face the inevitable termination of their life. Twenty Years: After “I Do will help you understand that.

Deb has been working hard to get this book in your hands before Christmas. So even though I haven’t read the epilogue yet, I’m rushing to get this review out before the holidays as well. It may just be the perfect present for someone you know and love.

Let me know if this review is helpful. Leave me a rating on Amazon.

Book Club Study Guide Now Available

About the Author

twenty years after
D. G. Kaye

“D.G. Kaye was born and resides in Toronto, Canada. She is the author of Conflicted Hearts – A Daughter’s Quest for Solace From Emotional Guilt, Meno-What? – A Memoir, Words We Carry, Have Bags, Will Travel, P.S. I Forgive You, and her newest release – Twenty Years: After “I Do”. Kaye is a nonfiction/memoir writer and writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

Kaye writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life and the lessons that were taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcomes some of the many obstacles that challenged her. From an emotionally neglected childhood to growing up with a narcissistic mother, leaving her with a severely deflated self-esteem, D.G. began seeking a path to rise above her issues. When she isn’t writing intimate memoirs, Kaye brings her natural sense of humor into her other works.”

Read more on Amazon.

You can find D.G. on social media and her author and blog pages:

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Ah, The Secrets You Can Share In an Online Journal

Online Journaling Secrets

It was an honor when this post appeared on December 8 on  Debby G. Kaye’s blog. Thank you so much for hosting me.

Online journaling is different from journaling in a notebook, and Marsha is going to tell us about how to journal online, what are the most effective tools for journaling, how to keep your online journals private, and lots of other juicy tips. So now I give you Marsha:

Here’s a Secret About Online Journaling

“The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another, and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.” — J.M. Barrie

The purpose of this article is to outline the benefits of online journaling.

Most of you already journal online and don’t even realize it. If you blog, use Facebook, Twitter, or other social media, you have started an online journal.

Online Journaling - Marsha Ingrao

Thank you, Debby, for hosting me on your blog. To read the rest of the post, please visit She has lots more to offer on her site for authors as well.

How Author, J.L. Slipak, Thinks Book Reviewers Should Review Books

Always Write either reviews books on Thursdays or publishes a post about reviewing books. Recently we have hosted Kevin Cooper’s series, “On Reviews.”

You will enjoy how J.L. Slipak thinks, a post reblogged from a new follower. She has some insight to share about reviewing books and accepting the reviews of your own books.

J is also the author of Book the Echoes’ Series which is sold on Amazon. Click to order.

J.L. Slipak Thinks

The Reviewer’s Dilemma

By J. L. Slipack

Recently, I’ve had the opportunity to really sit back and reflect on the impact my reviews must have on authors, especially after receiving my own very first not so great review for a book I recently wrote and published.

I think the power a reviewer holds must be carefully wielded. It’s a fine line to dance upon when critiquing another’s work, especially a novel that, through my own experience, takes a huge amount of time and work to bring to a published book.  When I looked closer at the review, I noted a few things:

Slipak’s Observations

  1. The reviewer normally did not read my genre. (Trust me, after reading her romance novels, mine should shock the crap out of her, and it did, obviously).
  2. Should reviewers have many years under their belt as a seasoned “reader” as well as be a writer themselves so that they can appreciate the depth of the work they are critiquing? No, this doesn’t mean they can’t be 20 years old and be knowledgeable about the books they’re reading and reviewing. But they should like the genre they’re about to review, don’t you think? If you have no idea what a book is going to be like, and say, all you read is middle-grade books, taking the plunge into horror or supernatural/paranormal thrillers, may be asking for a shock or two.


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How to See the Medial Student’s Perspective Even if You Didn’t Attend Medical School – Didn’t Get Frazzled by David Z. Hirsch

Medical Student’s Perspective

Rarely does anyone write a novel from the medical student’s perspective. In Didn’t Get Frazzled David Hirsch skillfully shared the anxiety and humor that all medical students must face in their journey to be the doctors you trust with your life.

Medical Student's PerspectiveMarsha’s Amazon Review

Seth made it through medical school with the help of his zany friends both medical and non-medical. When he lost his girlfriend mid-book, his personal life satisfaction gauge slipped from half-full to a blinking, dinging EMPTY. The numerous and medically correct sex scenes would Probably not offend a nun, nor excite a 16-year-old male or female. However, I recommend not to drink and read at the same time unless you enjoy the burning sensation of liquid excreted from your nose and the warm spray coating the 20-foot area in front of you.

High school students who might be considering a medical career without researching anything but the salary of a should read this book.

Descriptions That Endear the Protagonist and His Situation As a Medical Student

As an author you will notice Hirsch’s skillful descriptions, mostly journaling his internal feelings. When his girlfriend found another love, he expressed what most people couldn’t.

“This is what keeps me up nights. I don’t have one thought anymore that doesn’t contradict some other thought. I’ve got the blues and hot red rage, green envy and pale blahs. The colors and conflicting emotions have all swirled together with such intensity they’ve become inseparable.”

Eighty-nine percent of readers agreed that this was a creative description. You’ll have to read the book to find out what caught his attention.

“I had to be careful not to look directly at it so my retinas wouldn’t peel off.”

Ninety-two percent highlighted this gem. What could be more excruciating?

“This is like watching paint dry while being burned at the stake.”

Character Descriptions with a Humorous Punch

Hirsche wrote character descriptions I’d love to copy. Can’t you just picture this narcissistic doctor or intern?

“He worked in an alternate universe where time and space bent to his will.”

Another person you might not want to meet was this woman. If you stay out of adult supply stores, you will probably never run into a saleslady of this caliber.

The saleslady blended into the smut behind her like a horned viper in a dune field. Her hair bound into angry spikes, her skin ensconced with piercings and sprawling tattoos, she epitomized reckless titillation to any who dared enter. Yet she carried herself with all the vitality of a three-toed sloth…

As he progressed through the four years as a medical student, he became the team member with the most knowledge. One first-year student, Kara, he found annoying but humbly realized how far he had progressed during the course of study.

“Kara, on the other hand, blinked at me, an empty vessel awaiting the gift of knowledge.”

Kara had a particularly timorous experience examing a prisoner patient, but you have to wait for the end of the book to read it.

Five Stars – One of the Funniest Books I’ve Ever Read, Yet Surprisingly Touching

Hirsch walks you through every phase of medical school relating the medical student’s perspective. Seth hated pediatrics but loved cardiac care. Gynecology nearly ruined his instructor and him. If you are a woman, you’ll cringe as you skim painfully through those experiences.

He used conversations with patients to expound his philosophy, which will warm your heart. One patient wanted only to go home. The charge doctor smoothly kept her so long that her husband was about to lose his job. Seth stealthily shares the words to say that help the woman advocate for herself. She got out, and no one knew how she did it, but those closest to Seth suspected he somehow spoke privately to her with the attending physician in the room.

All the while he’s memorizing and sleeping in shifts, sometimes at the hospital, he’s mourning the loss of his girlfriend. In the beginning, he made a case that showed they had as much in common as an earwig and a NASA astronaut. Nonetheless, she was his earwig and was the most beautiful creature he’d ever seen. You will sympathize, but like his friends, want him to move on instead of acting like a silk moth hovering around a mulberry tree.

Didn’t Get Frazzled was Hirsch’s first book. I hope he will write more books from the medical student’s perspective soon! His rankings on Amazon aren’t braggable yet, but with your help ordering his book and leaving him a review, it will rise quickly. If you want a fun read, Didn’t Get Frazzled is for you.

And don’t forget the review.

Amazon Biography

Even his biography made me laugh.

Read about David Z. Hirsch on Amazon, but don’t get taken in. At first, you will think, “Wow, no kidding?”

Then it hits you.

He uses a pen name. About all you know for sure is that he is a practicing physician. He could be yours.

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How the Ancient Puebloans Lived Large in the Grand Canyon Even Though Water Was Scarce

ancient Puebloans
the Grand Canyon

Enjoying September at the Grand Canyon

Stare at this view. With a backpack full of food and a water bottle handy, we had the privilege of doing this for as long as we wanted without worrying about how we would survive. Gazing across the Grand Canyon, we let our minds wander about how it might be to live there.

We wondered how the trees could root around to find enough water to turn even the spiniest needles green. But suppose we had to depend on this view to house, clothe, and shelter us?

That thought made us grateful for the stores and modern conveniences we enjoy today without considering how they got there and continue to exist. Indeed, with the coming of the ubiquitous Amazon online grocery stores, the rumor is that we will soon be able to buy everything we need from Amazon and in some locations enjoy a two-hour delivery time. Humans today may never have to leave their homes to even gather food.

But that was not the case for these ancient desert dwellers.

Ancient Puebloans
Tusayan Museum and Ruin

Visit the Tusayan Museum and Ruin

This easy paved path to the museum and through the Tusayan Village or gathering loop makes a beautiful walk through the park. Yet it was very unlike what the natives must have faced living here day after day.  Merely lining a path with the abundant decorative rock, makes it a thing of beauty. During the days of habitation, though, it is doubtful that so much greenery and stones would be used only to beautify the environment as it is today.

Ancient Puebloans
The Gathering Loop

The Gathering Loop Where the Early Puebloans Shopped

Like the sign says, it’s only a .01 mile loop shopping center. What could you do with a yucca and a pinyon pine? There was not a lot of variety here to provide needed items for food, clothing, and shelter.

The daytime weather in September might not warrant a need for many clothes. The temperatures soared into the high seventies by mid-afternoon. By night they ancient Puebloans might have needed at least a blanket. They might make a basket out of pine needles, but a pine blanket would be somewhat scratchy and not very cozy.

To make baskets out of pine needles requires that you soak them in water overnight first to make them pliable enough to bend, twist, and weave into a basket. We did not see an abundance of water springing out of the ground at this site. So we wondered how they made baskets.

Ancient Puebloans
a daisy inches off the path

Possible Food

Off the trail, a few inches this beautiful daisy grew amid some sparse grasses. Probably you could eat the daisy, but it would not be very filling. You might weave the stems into a basket, but the petals would not last. Maybe the pollen would attract bees, and you could harvest the honey for food. The dead tree might be useful to create some shoes or better yet, digging tools. There might be some tasty bugs living on the decaying wood. The grasses might be soft enough to weave into some light-weight summer clothing or a blanket. Small sizes only!

ancient puebloans
Along the Gathering Loop

Caring for Trees

Walking along the path, you see more fallen logs and branches. We learned that they did use wood in their buildings for ladders and frames for the rocks which they piled together to build walls. If they wanted windows, wood frames were essential. One guide told us that in the days of habitation there would not have been this many trees along the path. Shopping would have been more limited than it is today.

Possibly, however, the trees were in better shape because the ancient people harvested from them and cared for them. The oak trees in Central California were undoubtedly more prolific and better cared for during the time with the Yokuts Indians inhabited the rich Southern San Joaquin Valley. Since they harvested the acorns for making flour, the native people took better care of the trees, and no doubt saved some of the acorns to plant more trees.

Ancient puebloans
the Living Quarters

Ancient Puebloan Housing

Here you can see the foundation of their houses. Possibly in the middle circle, there was a place for a fire. You can imagine how the Puebloans would use every small scrap of wood.

The rectangular shapes of the stones look perfect for stacking. Don’t you wonder how they transported them to their housing sites? Were there plenty of rocks in one area, so they built several homes here, or did they have to scavenge the flatland and carry their stones to the homesites. Possibly the remodeled and added to the rocks that had been built by an earlier inhabitant that had moved on or died out.

ancient puebloans
the Living Quarters

Here you see how nicely the stones stacked. They might have held them together with dirt mixed with urine to make the mud. Apparently, that made a durable cement. In the foreground, you see what we would use as ornamental flowers in our yards. I wonder what gems these tiny yellow flowers held for the native desert dwellers.

ancient puebloans
rocks and daisy

Appreciating Subsistence

As you can tell, subsistence in this location would be difficult. They might have gathered insects that swarmed out from under the rocks when they dug them out. Flowers and grasses would not have sustained them for very long. Maybe the kids ate rocks like the children in the book Stone Soup or my brother when he was young. More likely they used the rocks to kill or wound larger animals which would have provided more adequate clothing, blankets, and food.

ancient puebloans
finishing the Gathering Loop

It did not take long to complete the .01 mile loop. You can imagine that it took several days for park workers to create this beautiful path that only takes visitors minutes to amble around. Yet, as they walked along the way, what thoughts do you think filtered through their minds? No one talked much, so it’s hard to say.

What’s your impression?

For More Photo Challenges

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