Klutz of the Year Award: The Art of Falling Without Breaking Anything

I have awarded myself the Klutz of the Year Award. Any of you may claim this award for yourself, if you like. But tell us why you deserve it!

KLUTZ AWARD

 

My mother said my small feet caused me to fall all the time. I’m glad I fell a lot as a child because now, as an older woman, I can’t blame it on my age or lessening agility. It hasn’t been more than two months since I fell out of my Prius. Actually I fell when I was trying to get into it while it was rolling backwards, and landed on my back with it coming at me, door first. My friend Robert somehow got into the driver’s seat and stopped the car before it hit me or anything else, then jumped out of the car and brushed me off. I couldn’t stop laughing. I laughed all night long.

falling 4

This time I tripped over a jut up in the sidewalk no larger than a half an inch or so. I managed to gash my forehead, scrape the entire top and side of my nose, and under my nose. I have a flexible nose! I only scratched up old scars on my face, ruined a pair of pants, and barely scraped the shape of California into my knee under a bright red nasty owie that alternates between hurting and nothing.

A man ran over from the restaurant that watched me fall, and tried to help, but frankly I wanted to sit/lie there for a minute. He left when I was so unaccepting of his help.  I was just hoping that my too-tight pants had not slid down. I felt drafty, and I knew I would have to bend over, and get on all fours to get up. Finally, with my friend Mary’s help I made it to my car, but every question she asked me, I heard this childish little voice coming out of me.

“Does it hurt?”

“Yes.”

“Where, what hurts the most?”

“I don’t know.”

I went to the driver’s side and could hardly open the door. To credit me a little, I was driving Vince’s car and the remote key didn’t work, so I had to press this little spot on the key about 1/16″ or less in size with my shaky finger, to release the manual key, then turn the key correctly to fit in the lock, and finally to figure out which way to turn it.

I did all the steps wrong the first time, which led Mary to ask,”Can you drive OK?”

“I don’t know. I feel sick.”

“I’ll drive. You’ll just have to remind me how to drive your car.”

She got into the driver’s side, and I sat for a minute. She was late to work, but I thought, I’m not sure I can tell her how to drive.

The more she talked to me, the more nervous she got, I think. I cleaned the blood off my forehead to keep from looking so much like a zombie. It took a while to unzip my first aid pouch, but I managed to get a band-aid opened and on face without covering my eye. After a few minutes of rest, my stomach stopped churning. My head still hurt, but not so much that I could  think a little straighter. I got out, traded places with Mary, and drove her to work. I still had to drive nearly an hour to get home.

Vince just shook his head when he saw my face. I can’t say he smiled, but I can’t say he wasn’t trying really hard not to.

I didn’t want to go anywhere today, but I had promised to take pictures of two businesses and write articles for our Kiwanis magazine, “What’s Happening in the Foothills.” We always save these things until the last-minute, so I couldn’t back out. The deadline was Feb. 1st.

When I got to the Runway Cafe ten minutes late, Sally said, “Well you don’t look as bad as I thought you would. Do you have a headache?”

I had only been up about 40 minutes or so, and the Tylenol hadn’t taken effect yet. I told her I still had a little headache. So she told me about a woman, younger than I am, who had a headache from falling and died two days later. That cured my headache, but not my hypochondria. I’m feeling downright frisky right now in the middle of the night when I don’t dare fall asleep because I might not wake up. So that’s my story.

When I shared on Facebook about my most recent face first run-in with a cement sidewalk, I received condolences and some wonderful stories.

slippingice1

My friend “Tani” shared the funniest one.

The story of the amazing falling woman, aka me. It had rained earlier that day so was glad it stopped so we could go to the RV show at the fairgrounds. Hundreds of RV’s and people in the parking lot looking at row after row of RV’s, they had the prices in the windows and that is my reason for not seeing the pot hole, I was walking and looking up!! Leave it to me to step on the edge, twist my ankle and sprawl out face first. It took me a minute to realize nothing was broken only a small knee gash and palms scrapped up with asphalt. 3 people picked me up, I hobbled to the restroom and cleaned up. I’m outa there….at the end of the day we decided to have a nice dinner at one of the popular restaurants in Eugene, was happy we didn’t have too long of a wait for a Saturday night. Had a great dinner and as we were leaving by the restaurant’s main front area I noticed a really nice wine cellar and was curious to take a look inside. I was excited as I had never been in anything like that. So as I entered the cellar I did not see the step down at the doorway…yep…down again. I tumble into the wine cellar landing on my back. So there I am lying there in my big bulky coat, staring in disbelief, at the ceiling. All of a sudden I burst out laughing over that fact that I have actually fallen twice in one day in public. The hostess follows my hubby into the room only to find an old lady laughing hysterically on the floor of the wine cellar. They help me up and I continue to laugh as Paul escorts me quickly to the car. The next day….I’m really sore. The end

falling2

So would you like to claim the award for yourself? Have you been klutzy this year yet, or were you klutzy some other year? I’d love to pass this award on. If you tell a long story that you don’t want to waste in my comment section, and want to post it on your blog, feel free to post a link.

KLUTZ AWARD

Author: Marsha

Hi, I'm Marsha Ingrao, author, blogger and retired teacher/consultant. Read more about me here. http://wp.me/P7tP3I-2

23 thoughts on “Klutz of the Year Award: The Art of Falling Without Breaking Anything”

  1. Oh, it’s such a jolt, not only to our poor bodies, but our whole nervous system when something like that happens. Gone are the days when we had a relatively short way to the ground when we fell, and just got up and kept playing.

    Take care, Klutzes of the World. 🙂

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  2. I hated to like this post, but you told your story in such a way that I had to smile. I’m not yet a klutz, but I have family who are. It’s not an easy thing to see the fruit of their mishaps. You take care out there, Marsha!

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  3. As you know, I take spills incessantly. It is like living in an endless black-comedy…(sigh) you know how it is…I am just waiting for a disaster to happen one of these days…Lately, I have been in the habit of scrabbling along the sea-slicked rocks that flank the rushing sides of a large gurgling white-water channel that speeds into the ocean. I also like to clamber over the salt-slicked metal rails over-looking these rocks from above. I know what will happen…a pelican will suddenly flap in my face or a fish head will plonk me in the eye and I will go buzzing down toward the toothy rocks and tumble right into the channel, somehow heroically tossing my camera to safety in the last second…just like a ridiculous cartoon. Naturally all the fisherman, children and pelicans will guffaw away and concerned tourists will run in circles looking for a disgruntled ranger to fish me out…and then chide me for recklessly falling right onto an endangered manatee who’d happened to be lumbering by (did I ever tell you I once almost fell out of a kayak when a manatee suddenly decided to surface underneath it?).

    The story your friend shared was epic. TOO hilarious. So glad she came away from it relatively unscathed. And I am delighted to learn you have healed completely now. Hope (possible) future falls include no further peril or pain. Cheers,

    autumn jade

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your flights downward sound even more perilous than mine! I tripped again today. What happens to me is that my eye doesn’t tell my foot how far to step up when I’m climbing. Every time I fall it’s because my foot didn’t come up high enough to clear the step, and instead of stepping normally, I crash into it. Quite unnerving! 😦

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      1. I am very maladroit in this fashion, as well. Constantly misgauging and toppling as a result. This is how I fall out of trees and off of rock-faces.

        I suppose you could guess that my most commonly-said phrase in high school was, “Whoa, I almost fell.” I frequently fell down whilst walking across the gym and around the track…We never had climbing class. Perhaps this is a good thing…

        The other night I contended with a slightly raised sidewalk edge; the same one I amble over every day. It is filled in with concrete so it slopes an inch upward very smoothly, yet I still tripped. The wild exotic bird dance saved me this time; barely. The moon, a tattered hammock and some bellowing wind-chimes were the only witnesses.

        Today I sprawled on porpoise, gawping at birds, and as I did so a giant wave decided to run me over. Onlookers found this amusing…(I have no idea where they came from as I had been alone with the terns…until I was run over). I heard the boom, looked over my shoulder, and noticed a hissing line of chilled froth speeding toward me. All I could do was wiggle. I wiggled toward the birds, trying not to startle them. Not fast enough. I was just barely run over by an inch of water. It did not reach the birds that were inches from my face, looking at me with their orange rictus grins. A moment later a great black flock of skimmers and one pelican suddenly descended from the heavens and swarmed all around me. I am surprised some of them didn’t perch right on top of me…apparently my impression of a lethargic old sand dune, that occasionally liked to wiggle around the beach from time to time, was very effective…Onlookers kept smiling and waving…

        Hugs,

        smiling toad

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        1. I can’t wait to read your illustrated book. I hope you have a waterproof, spillproof camera. Mine is not. I’ve broken two lenses I think, maybe three. I’ve paid way more for lenses than I did my camera, and it was expensive to me. I don’t know how I’d ever replace it and start with new. I know some photographers that have tons of cameras. They probably don’t break their lenses falling on their faces! 🙂 You do seem to attract the onlookers, whether they be birds or human! Oh, if only they had cameras. Where’s Sir in all this? Why isn’t he toting a camera once in a while to capture all these antics as you do them? Tell him I’m gravely disappointed in him, but make sure both of you keep your cameras far from me because I seem to be doing the horizontal act way to frequently. I threw my old shoes away only to miss a step with my new ones. I didn’t fall because, after all, I was a roller skater, and I still have SOME skills when it comes to righting myself. But I found that my right foot and my eyes are not communicating to my brain at the same levels. My foot comes up about 1/8th of an inch short of where the step ends and air begins. So instead of the forward motion of my foot meeting with air, it bangs hard into the last 1/4-1/8th inch of concrete sending my toes into pain, and my balance – well you know. I’m starting to have the same problem with rolling my chair over my right foot, too. I’ve only done it once barefooted. When I was a kid my right big toe was almost always bloody from scratching up against something, so this is nothing new, but it gets more annoying when shoes can’t fix it anymore.

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