The prompt: Plans blow up in my face. People don’t always do what I want them to do. Things don’t always turn out the way I want. It’s a lot wiser to just let some things go. Today, write about letting go.
I hate to let go. It may be a project, a person, a pet peeve, a passion, or a prized possession. I hate to forego on any of them. My mother tells a story of three or four-year old Marsha screaming outside in the front yard. The neighbor women all came running to see what their little boys had done to hurt the toddler. My mother ambled out to discover the real problem was that the older neighbor boys were “stealing” crabapples off our tree. I knew that my mother would soon be making crabapple jelly out of those little gems. There was no way I wanted to let loose of any of those tempting tart treats.
This hat wannabe turned out to be a Möbius strip. I tried to learn to use circular needles. I had spent three hours untangling the yarn. That should have been a clue to quit. Then I knit this Möbius strip that wouldn’t unwrap and turn into a hat. So I ripped it out and started over. The yarn was stretched by the time I finished, and the hat was too small. I never gave up on that skein of yarn. I gave the completed hat to one of my favorite kids.
I have an entire file cabinet that has sermons my first husband preached thirty years ago. He’s been gone twenty years. I have many of my teacher files in another file cabinet. I’ve been out of the classroom for seventeen years. Most of the items to which I cling, have no real value. I will never use them, and may have never used it in the first place, (like history coloring books for fourth graders) but I can’t bear to part with said items. My husband tried to pry me from them twelve years ago when we moved to this house. So far he hasn’t been entirely successful. I might need them some day!
One author suggested that clinging to possessions has to do with a fear of losing independence. Material items represent work and have value. Without them you have to start over and replace them. This theory does not explain my collections of patterns I neatly organized but haven’t used in 40 years.
I fear change, and tend to hold on to relationships as well. When my first husband and I moved to CA, I told him that was the last time I would move. It was too hard to break up relationships and move. It takes years to build trust with people, so when I have built that trust, I hate to give it up.
I am not so clingy to my beliefs, ideas or plans. If someone else has another plan or idea, I quickly drop mine. I am possessive, but flexible.
To what do you cling or struggle to let go? Do you know why you do it?