Written by: Paula Terrill
In Collaboration with Edward Haney
Illustrations by: Kara-Lynn Smith
My name is Edward. I know what you are thinking, that is a boring and common name. That’s true, but I am not boring or common. I am the most amazing person you will ever meet because my family is famous! Not like movie stars. Better than that.
My mom is the best baker in the world. Just for fun, she decided to make a chocolate pudding pie big enough for everyone in the state of California to share it.
She didn’t have a big enough bowl for that, so she used the Grand Canyon to mix everything together.
When it was done mixing, she didn’t have a refrigerator big enough to chill it, so she had it flown to the North Pole. It took 200 helicopters to get it off the ground.
My dad is the nicest guy you will ever meet. He holds doors for people. He always remembers to say please and thank you. He loves kids and animals, and even old people. He loves animals so much that he is a wild animal rescuer in Africa.
Every week, he gets on his super fast speed boat and travels to Africa to save animals that are sick or injured. Last week, he met a cheetah with a toothache. The cheetah told my dad (you see my dad speaks cheetah) that he had been eating too many berries because he didn’t want to hurt the gazelles and the sugar in the berries caused a cavity.
My dad pulled the tooth and made a necklace for the cheetah to keep forever.
My grandpa may be the most amazing person of all time. When you first meet him, he is quiet and friendly, but don’t let that fool you. He is a knife maker during the day, but in his spare time, he wrestles bears.
This one time we were camping when a great big brown bear came running towards our camp. It was so scary, but my grandpa jumped in front of him and flipped him over. My grandpa is so strong, when he threw that bear to the ground; he caused a great big hole that went all the way through the middle of the mountain. After that, they changed the name of the mountain to Mount Vesuvius.
There was another time we came across a Yeti. That’s a Big Foot that is all covered in snow. It was three times taller than my grandpa and weighed at least a ton. My grandpa scared him so bad, he ran away so fast that it caused an avalanche and buried all the Yeti’s in the snow. That’s why no one can find the Yeti’s anymore.
I know it is hard to believe from someone with the name Edward, but take my word for it, my family is the most wonderful family ever.